Confessions of an Indecisive Cadet

Branching is a ridiculously difficult decision for any cadet. As a rising senior in Army ROTC combatting an admittedly limited point of view, I am conflicted. So, I tweeted a thread of thoughts to better understand my own thinking and perhaps receive some feedback. The response from #MilTwitter was fantastic. 

Able Company, 1-506 ‘Red Currahee’ finished Company STX strong and went right into Platoon Live Fire. (U.S. Army Photo)

I am not from a military family. I came into the Army world 3 years ago, knowing nothing and nobody. Free college sounded cool and I didn’t mind waking up early for PT. I was completely lost in the sauce. As I started ROTC, I began to learn what the infantry was while simultaneously learning how to put on a uniform. I also learned how to do push-ups, stand at attention, and everything else that comes with being a prospective Army officer. I was figuring it all out at once–both filled with excitement and a sponge for information. My cadre brought their individual experiences from various different career fields. During my freshman year alone, we had infantrymen, engineers, air defenders, military police, logisticians and aviators all teaching us.

I knew that I would eventually have to pick one of the many available branches and make it my career. Cadet land doesn’t last forever. With only 2 weeks left to finalize my list, I never imagined it would fly by so quickly. While I think I have a good grasp on my preference list, there are so many factors to consider. ADSOs, VTIP feasibility, light vs heavy, airborne vs air assault units, platoon leader time vs staff time, technical skills vs people skills, etc. If you don’t know what these things mean, that’s okay. It takes time and being a cadet is literally all about learning. In fact, I think leading in general is all about learning. The best thing you can do is ask. Never be afraid to ask questions. 

With this new OML/accessions model and everything changing this summer because of COVID, there is even more uncertainty. But I still have to submit a ranked list of my preferences. It’s scary. It’s daunting. I have asked many questions and I am still asking them because I want to make the most informed decision possible. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to everyone who has taken the time to talk to me about their careers. It’s been incredible to hear from so many talented individuals about what makes them wake up in the morning with passion for their work. I’m still trying to figure out what job will bring me that much joy. I want to LOVE what I do without hesitation. I don’t want to look back at this time in my life and career and have any regrets.

There is no wrong choice. I will make the most out of wherever I end up and I know the needs of the Army will always come first. I will give it my all and I will be the best possible leader and soldier that I can be. No matter my branch, there will be hard days. Every staff officer, commander, duty station, platoon, mission, soldier, every DAY will be different. I will make the absolute most of it. Every soldier deserves a leader who shows up every day and gives it their all. But I’ve still had a really hard time figuring out where I see myself best fitting into the puzzle of the big Army.

I also know, right now, I am a cadet with a limited perspective of my future reality. This is the biggest decision I have ever had to make. Seriously, applying to college was easier. Because I know now there’s no transfers, no dropping out, no second chances–aside from VTIP options down the line. And let me be honest, that is a pretty stressful prospect. More plainly put, I am very stressed. . The kind of stress where I can’t stop thinking about it, sun up to sun down and even having stress dreams about it. It’s made me doubt myself and my abilities. Made me think a lot about who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, and what motivates me.

Is it imposter syndrome or am I being realistic with setting limits? Do I know what I want or am I settling? Am I challenging myself or am I biting off more than I can chew? What are my limits? These are just some of the questions I am fighting.

I originally wrote this as a thread on twitter at 1AM. It was on my mind at 1AM. I’m always thinking about branching, especially now, because I don’t want to have any regrets. I want to be certain. 

All that being said, this is how my brain is operating right now. And when I don’t know things, I think, I talk, I ask, I write. I’ve made the pros and cons lists. Hell, I’m even going to a psychic this week. A divine intervention would be great right about now. This is not an easy choice, but here we are. I’ve got two weeks to figure myself out for sure. 

To anyone out there struggling with a big decision: you are NOT alone. Cadets–use all your resources. Talk to your cadre; I guarantee they have friends who do the jobs you are interested in if they haven’t done it themselves. Use social media and reach out to  one of the many super cool officers on there to ask them about their job. Plenty of them love to talk about what they do. I’ve bugged most of them already and they have been extraordinarily helpful.

I won’t say anything about my own list when I finalize it because I don’t want to jinx anything. But, come December, I will shout my branch from the ROOFTOPS because this agony of deciding will have ended. Yes, I may be dramatic, but I’m stressed!

In the meantime, I’ve got a semester to focus on crushing, an incredible battalion of cadets to lead and train, and a whole lot of senior year memories to make (all at a safe social distance).

Who knows what will happen when the board convenes to branch all of the Fiscal Year  2021 cadets? Only time will tell. Branching is scary. I have a lot to say about it. Writing this out helped me feel much better. I also recognize I come from a place of privilege in writing this. I’m going to have a job when I graduate, ROTC paid for my school, and I am extraordinarily thankful for everything my mom has done to support me along the way. I wouldn’t be here without her. Now, it is my time to make a decision, let the big Army powers-that-be make their decisions, and hopefully it all ends well! 

To anyone else in the same boat as me right now, I hope this helped! Good luck cadets, we got this.

Amy Petrocelli is an MSIV Cadet in the University of Maryland Army ROTC program. Aside from being conflicted about which branch to choose, she also has a tough time deciding between ice cream flavors and which Netflix show to binge. Connect with her on Twitter @amy4prez !

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