Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down…by joining a combat support Military Police platoon as a new officer with the correct mindset, drive, and determination and then slowly snowballing into failure. I held no punches in my self-assessment, and tossed self-preservation out of the window. The following three lessons stem from my critical failures. 

A critical failure is an automatic and immediate breakdown in the fundamentals of leadership. You can succeed 99 times out of 100, but if you commit one critical failure then it is a total failure. In my own reflections and self-assessment, I find myself guilty of making three critical failures.

In the United States Army, platoon leader (PL) time is one that officers usually look back on with nostalgia. No duty position from that point forward works closer to the soldiers, who are the end users of plans and the most valuable resource in our Army. 

My time as a PL has ended, and I cannot shake a deep and veiled feeling of failure. 

No one lost life, limb, or eyesight. But, I failed nonetheless. I failed because I executed good intentions poorly, because I allowed my environment to determine the outcome of my performance. I allowed excuses to drive results. Ultimately, I allowed the fear of failure to bring me to failure. I write this here to lend voice to my experience so that other leaders may avoid them in the future. 

Lesson 1: Good Intentions Executed Poorly

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time much more intelligently” -Henry Ford

There I was, 2nd Lt.  Blocker, standing in front of 38 soldiers, attempting to explain that I was going to work day and night to care for and lead them. I genuinely meant it.  I heard whispers that the spirit and attitude of the formation was generally depressed and/or defeated. So naturally, I made it my mission to get them motivated and excited to train to fight, and win our nation’s wars at any cost. My self-identified mission, while well-intended, was narrow-minded and caused a rift between my commander and myself. 

Supporting your commander and their priorities is part of your job. Subsequently, it also buys you and your formation freedom to maneuver. I did not fulfill all those requirements. My commander and I had very different leadership styles. It was a transactional style (commander) vs transformational style (2nd Lt. Blocker). My commander was a detail-oriented leader, focused on the mechanics of the mission which produced great results. I tended toward a more big-picture and vision-oriented approach which produced results that were also good, but less apparent. This often put us at odds, each speaking a different leadership love language from the other.

“My so called, big picture mindset was ironically shortsighted.”

When asked by my commander to do things that did not fit in my big picture mindset, I pushed back. For example, I pushed back when my commander told me to return the platoon to the company immediately for a 100% urinary analysis while we were in the middle of actively running a two week field mission. Saying ignorant things (respectfully of course) like, “the mission is bigger than UAs” and “this is degrading the training of the soldiers.” By poorly attempting to save the mission at hand with little to no tact, I lost my commander’s trust. 

My so-called,  big picture mindset was ironically shortsighted. I wanted so badly to train these soldiers, motivate them, get them out and do things. Myopically focused on my self-declared mission, I lost sight of my commander’s mission and intent. I forgot that I needed to support the commander fully in order to gain the freedom to accomplish my mission. I failed to realize that my mission needed to nest with that of my higher headquarters. Instead, I created conflict between myself and my commander that relegated me to the role of the unsupportive or dissonant subordinate.

“I crippled my influence for the rest of my PL time.”

I crippled my influence for the rest of my PL time. Supporting the mission of those above you and showing you can accomplish their priorities allows you the freedom to lead more autonomously. Creating friction without the proper tact and approach only leads to less freedoms and a negative perception.

My good intentions got in the way of the commander’s mission and thus affected the trust from my commander and ultimately limited the freedom of my soldiers. Had I approached it differently and had more tact with how I presented my argument I could have justified the argument. Or, had I  just saluted and executed the missions without any feedback I could have had a positive perception and built trust. It’s our job as leaders to understand the second and third order effects of our decisions. 

Lesson 2: Environment Drove Attitude

“Today I escaped from the crush of circumstances, or better put, I threw them out, for the crush wasn’t from outside me but in my own assumptions.” -Marcus Aurelius

Due to the environment and adversarial relationship created by my failures in lesson 1, I felt claustrophobic. I did not know what to do; I felt helpless. It felt like my every move was under a microscope, and any missteps caught my commander’s eye. I could not get away from the negative perception, it felt like a slow death from 1000 paper cuts, which led to a negative work environment that then led to a relatively negative leader (me).

There is no greater mistake than to let soldiers see their leader be pessimistic. A bad attitude is like a virus, it permeates into the air and infects everyone. Leading  soldiers with lousy attitudes when you yourself have a bad attitude is like trying to walk a 100lb pet rock. Leaders must listen to the words of Marcus Aurelius and throw out their circumstances. There is no controlling the environment, but you can control your attitude, emotions, opinions, and your own actions. 

“There is no greater mistake than to let soldiers see their leader be pessimistic.”

A leader must strive to be emotionally superhuman. Overcoming natural human tendencies for the sake of those they lead. Without overcoming the fallibility of human nature as often as possible, there is no difference in value between the leader and those they lead. Leaders who are able to rise above their environments lead more effectively. They harness emotion, rather than being driven by it. They raise soldier morale through a positive attitude and ultimately improve unit performance and cohesiveness. 

Not allowing the circumstances and environment effect actions and emotions would have allowed movement past the negative perception. A sharp focus on the commander’s priorities along with motivating the soldiers would have lent itself to building a positive organization. I accepted the environment and conceded to negativity instead of throwing out my circumstance. I allowed my environment to drive my attitude, thus, I failed. 

Lesson 3: Excuses Drove Results

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” -Benjamin Franklin

It was easy to make the excuses. I deflected the blame for my circumstances on others (i.e., my commander). Then I pretended if I were in complete control, the situation would be better. Put simply, I identified as the victim instead of taking responsibility for my role. The excuses made me feel good. They allowed me to preserve the internal image of myself as a competent and proficient leader. 

Looking back, I was not the competent and successful leader I created in my mind. I had a lazy and self-conscious leadership mindset; pawning off obstacles on others instead of conquering them myself. The soldiers deserve honest results that come from hard-working leaders overcoming obstacles, never excuses. 

My excuses led to a self-induced delusion that I was something moderately special. At the end of it all, there is no excuse. I did not own the mistakes I made. The results, in my mind, were the results of some outside entity imposing its influence, causing failure. Negative results were never my lack of understanding second and third order effects, not looking closely enough to the details, or checking up to ensure the job was done right. Why would they be? That would tarnish the image I had of myself in my head. I did not take matters into my own hands and shape the outcome. Because I allowed excuses to drive results, I failed.

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“All Soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership; I will provide that leadership.” -The Creed of the Noncommissioned Officer (and the mantra of all military leaders)

I share my experience, and my shortcomings, so that other leaders can learn, reflect, and take action. Learn from the personal failures of others to drive your team to new heights. No matter the people nor the environment there is no excuse for poor leadership. Own your mistakes, learn from them, and improve. Your soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership. Be better than you think you can be. Be better than those that came before you. Do not fear failure; because of failure, we have the opportunity to learn and succeed.  

Darin Blocker is an active duty Military Police Officer currently serving as an executive officer (XO) for a Special Forces Operational Detachment Bravo Company. He has experienced the full spectrum of jobs for a lieutenant, staff assistant S3, platoon leader, line company XO, and Special Forces XO. He is open to any questions young cadets or lieutenants have about life in the active Army and can be reached at darintblocker@gmail.com.